I hope you get stuck in traffic for a comically long amount of time on your morning commute. I hope both sides of your pillow are lukewarm. I hope you shit your pants in a social gathering and have to awkwardly crabwalk out of the center of the crowd while everyone levels you ‘the look’. I hope you burn your tongue and everything tastes weird for the rest of the day. I hope you stammer for a good six seconds trying to bail out on the improper ‘you too’ you offered the waitress serving you food while she just hovers there, expecting something she has to add on to the order, but ultimately not receiving it as your attempt to recover fizzles out with a whimper. I hope you sleep weird on your shoulder and it aches for the rest of the week. I hope you bite your cheek. I wish you a constant stream of unfortunate and inconvenient happenings