Friend who is a big procrastinator and only started her assignment today keeps messaging me to tell me how frustrated she is because her code didn’t work or something and she wants to kill herself. Fucking yikes.
I procrastinate like that too but I keep those thoughts as inside ones.
She wants someone to comfort her in her distress. I told her that a psych appointment takes five minutes to book, she can see one through Zoom, it’s FREE through her uni, and she won’t get one straight away, so the don’t have time is an excuse.
Yikes. Sounds like girl needs to join a coding forum or something for the technical help, address her pacing struggles with the teacher, and not say such things to you even as a joke.
Edit: She needs proper supports if she’s actually serious and it’s not hyperbole or even if she’s genuinely just overwhelmed. Friends can support of course and I’m sympathetic but I feel like without boundaries this lady could bring you down with her
spoiler
This sounds callous but I had friends who were frequently making poor decisions and coming to me with the aftermath.
They kept refusing to let me link them in with more appropriate supports or let me help them take practical action on a problem, instead insisting on me as the go to despite me barely being able to keep myself together.
This continued until my own strength gave out and I had to drop them.
Yep. She said she doesn’t have time to see a psych, even though her uni offers them for free and it only takes an hour. She’s used AI to code most things these days, saying that it’s the processes that she needs to know, not the actual code itself…
Yeah… You seem like a good friend but please take care of yourself here and watch out. Don’t be the only friend she goes to and maybe distance yourself a bit.
Sorry if this is unwanted advice. It’s just in my twenties I had friends who were chaotic and insisted on using me as the go to while refusing to let me link them with more appropriate supports, and I burned out so hard I had to drop them. Then I was the one not coping.
Assuming she’s able bodied and not incapacitated by her mental health your friend has choices here.
Even if they’re not something she wants to do, such as deferring for a while, withdrawing/failing and retaking the course, changing courses, or withdrawing/failing and going into work instead. I’m not sure how everything works now but she has options.
If she’s both physically disabled and her mental health is unmanaged/unmanageable she might actually be fucked but also you have the right to maintain boundaries and your own wellbeing.
Thanks Melba. I have linked her to appropriate supports and been encouraging. A voice of reason and self-compassion if you will. Now I will be disengaging to work on my own assignment due soon.
She is a student and has access to counselling and psychology through her uni. I sent her all the links. I think it’s all a mental thing for her, like it is for me.
Friend who is a big procrastinator and only started her assignment today keeps messaging me to tell me how frustrated she is because her code didn’t work or something and she wants to kill herself. Fucking yikes.
I procrastinate like that too but I keep those thoughts as inside ones.
FWIW, they really sound like a programmer.
🤠
Talk like that concerns me. I don’t find it funny, tell her to not ever say anything like that in jest
and if she is being manipulative I would cut her as a friend.
What does she want from you?
If she doesn’t overtly ask for something what do you think she trying to manipulate you into doing?
She wants someone to comfort her in her distress. I told her that a psych appointment takes five minutes to book, she can see one through Zoom, it’s FREE through her uni, and she won’t get one straight away, so the don’t have time is an excuse.
encouragement is what she needs, not comfort
“You can do it!”
Done :))
Yikes. Sounds like girl needs to join a coding forum or something for the technical help, address her pacing struggles with the teacher, and not say such things to you even as a joke.
Edit: She needs proper supports if she’s actually serious and it’s not hyperbole or even if she’s genuinely just overwhelmed. Friends can support of course and I’m sympathetic but I feel like without boundaries this lady could bring you down with her
spoiler
This sounds callous but I had friends who were frequently making poor decisions and coming to me with the aftermath.
They kept refusing to let me link them in with more appropriate supports or let me help them take practical action on a problem, instead insisting on me as the go to despite me barely being able to keep myself together.
This continued until my own strength gave out and I had to drop them.
Yep. She said she doesn’t have time to see a psych, even though her uni offers them for free and it only takes an hour. She’s used AI to code most things these days, saying that it’s the processes that she needs to know, not the actual code itself…
Yeah… You seem like a good friend but please take care of yourself here and watch out. Don’t be the only friend she goes to and maybe distance yourself a bit.
Sorry if this is unwanted advice. It’s just in my twenties I had friends who were chaotic and insisted on using me as the go to while refusing to let me link them with more appropriate supports, and I burned out so hard I had to drop them. Then I was the one not coping.
Assuming she’s able bodied and not incapacitated by her mental health your friend has choices here.
Even if they’re not something she wants to do, such as deferring for a while, withdrawing/failing and retaking the course, changing courses, or withdrawing/failing and going into work instead. I’m not sure how everything works now but she has options.
If she’s both physically disabled and her mental health is unmanaged/unmanageable she might actually be fucked but also you have the right to maintain boundaries and your own wellbeing.
Thanks Melba. I have linked her to appropriate supports and been encouraging. A voice of reason and self-compassion if you will. Now I will be disengaging to work on my own assignment due soon.
she’s a drama queen
Absolutely
If you don’t have a lot of choices due to the service being subsidised some providers can be terrible. There’s also a shortage plus high demand.
But a lot of them do Zoom now. I think she just doesn’t want to. It’s easier to demand informal supports from a friend to just vent
Edit: Obligatory warning against using Better Help though
She is a student and has access to counselling and psychology through her uni. I sent her all the links. I think it’s all a mental thing for her, like it is for me.
Yeah, I completely understand the mental barrier thing. But it is something she has to do herself. You’re doing what you can