Walrus don’t need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never… She… No one ever goes walrus.

These X-Ray specs will really take the guess work out of surgery. No more blindly chopping in the goop.

I’m doing my job-- There’s Amy.

I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There’s Amy.

I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There’s Amy.

Destiny has cheated me by forcing me to decide upon: The woman that I idolize, or the hands of an automaton.

Without these hands I can’t complete the opera that was captivating her

But if I keep them, and she marries him, He probably won’t want me dating her.

If you assume that a “bullet” is a unit of momentum (the mass and velocity of a bullet) and “square child” is actually just referring to the mass of a child who happens to be square shaped and not the mass of a child squared, then “bullets per square child” is describing valid units for a velocity

Geologically, ice is a mineral, aka a rock. If lava is just rock heated past its melting point, water is lava.

I’m fairly certain it’s potpourri which is not a drink. When you heat it up on a stove it’s meant to fill your house with its scent. “pot pourri” directly translates to “rotten pot” which I think is accurate because I’ve never been fond of the smell

I grew up in a rural Utah town. Here are things I attempted to correct my teachers on while in elementary school with the result of them telling me if I continued to disagree with them I’d be sent to the principals office:

• Evolution does in fact exist and “monkeys aren’t turning into humans today” because that’s not how evolution works.
• There are different methods for multiplying numbers (lattice)
• The amount of protons in an atom is equal to the number of electrons not neutrons. Yes for lighter elements they can be the same but isotopes are a thing (yes this actually happened and the next day we watched a bill nye that said exactly what I was saying. Of course bringing up the fact I was right and she was wrong was not a wise course of action.)
• If the earth was a few feet closer to the sun we would not die. The earth actually is closer and further throughout the year on the scale of a few million miles. (Asserting that this was also not proof of god’s existence was similarly not a wise thing for elementary me to do)
• “Foot zoning” has been debunked and you should tell people to see a real doctor when they feel sick
• Those white homeopathic medicine pills don’t do anything
• If we know how disease spreads and it’s due to human action/choices then it’s not gods punishment because he couldn’t control the spread unless he controls those people.

I’m sure there were more seeing as I frequently had to “pull a card” in nearly every class and most times had no idea why what I said was wrong. There were definitely some on global warming but I don’t remember the specifics.

Anyway, it is almost certain that I would argue some things that were wrong, after all, I was like < 12yo and surrounded by people who would constantly tell me the encyclopedias I read were wrong (I didn’t like chapter books and encyclopedias had pictures) but even then, there still definitely were things I was and still am right about.

And it probably would have been better for my mental health growing up if I hadn’t thought “wow if all these adults believe this thing then it must be true and I must just be an idiot” No past me, you were right, they were wrong. Essential oils are bullshit and definitely don’t cure cancer, animals do feel pain and deserve to be treated with respect, and yes the cult you were raised in makes no sense whatsoever. Basically the entirety of your hometown, and most of your family members are just delusional. You’re not wrong and they don’t just not believe you because you’re a kid, they just don’t believe in evidence, and there’s no evidence one can use to convince people who don’t believe in evidence.

Edit: to clarify, this was a legitimate public elementary school not some weird religious institution. Its just the typical education found in small Mormon towns in Utah.

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Well actually it’s the other way around. The reason imaginary numbers were invented was to solve a problem we’d been crying over for centuries.

Then, as in most cases, solving one problem opens the door to millions of other problems like why in the fuck does the universe use these imaginary numbers we made up to solve cube roots?

Why is i a core part of the unit circle with like e^i*pi ? “Oh that’s because i is just perpendicular to the real number line” ?! Say that sentence again, how the fuck did we go from throwing sharp sticks to utterly deranged sentences like that? More importantly why do utterly deranged sentences like that accurately describe our universe and what is the next ludicrous math concept we’re going to discover is integral to the function of the universe?

“Excerpt from the Kamasaura, an ancient reptilian text on sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment.”

We also don’t talk enough about the fact he was a pedophile.

Sexual Abuse Allegations

Schrödinger being “infatuated” with a twelve-year-old girl, Barbara MacEntee, while in Ireland. He desisted from attentions after a “serious word” from someone, and later “listed her among the unrequited loves of his life.”

Remember kids: don’t idolize people. Even Nobel Prize winning physicists can be fucked up

Same, but there is never enough space

Does someone have that creepy French ad with the spider eating a girl out? The one that’s supposed to be an STD awareness poster? Because this is the perfect place to comment that cursed image.

“Well you asked the right guy. I’m a whale biologist. Though personally I hate whales. Especially Mushu.”

“Then why’d you become a whale biologist?”

“I don’t know you well enough to get into that.”

Dark Souls remastered. Getting cursed just before reaching a boss and having no money to buy a cure forced me to either give up, grind, or “get gud.”

I beat the boss without getting hit once. I know other people probably do that for every boss but for me that’s a big achievement since I suck at combat and video games in general.

In other news, the game is hard but beautiful and the level design is pretty impressive. I’m looking forward to marathoning the other souls games after this.

I think chirality is something most people overlook in those situations too. Even if you found a world of beings exactly like you, a perfect earth with plants and low CO2 concentrations, if their proteins have opposite chirality to yours, you’re probably going to die of prion disease.

“Oh look a perfectly human person on an earth like planet I’m sure I can take my helmet off”. Nope. You just inhaled spores or skin cells or pollen or viruses or literally anything that contains “misfolded proteins” and if any of those get at all digested they could cause your body to produce more misfolded proteins, a cycle that will eventually lead to your demise.

“Look this plant isn’t poisonous” chirality is harder to check than chemical makeup. So yeah it has vitamin B but is it the kind that could kill you? (We don’t have to worry about this much on earth because basically all life on this planet makes and uses proteins of similar chirality)

“Wow that alien sex was great” too bad there were skin cells in saliva you both exchanged/ingested (or proteins in other bodily fluids) so you’re both going to die now.

Worst part is that prions are really slow acting. You could all be chilling in this wonderful earth like home for months until around the same time you all suddenly get sick and die. There’s no cure, so there’s nothing you can do besides leave a warning for the next crew who might stop by.

Oh and the same dangers go for native life on the planet too. To them you’re made of misfolded proteins so any scavengers who eat you and maybe even predators who eat them have a chance of developing and spreading prion disease. Your bodies are basically bioweapons. Any earth crops or animals you brought with would be biohazards too.

“Good thing it’s not the grammar bee…”