ADHD can feel like you’re putting in 350% of effort 100% of the time but only achieving 50% of what others achieve, and then being treated like you only put in 10%.
My whole childhood & life before diagnosis, my intelligence and literally everything am good at was used as proof up career & academic & household stuff out of spite.
The paradox of #ADHD - being excellent at complex, high-stimulus tasks and fuck- all at routine, “easy” tasks was a weapon in the hands of parents, teachers, & employers and a constant abusive echo in my brain.
What internalized was that accomplishments that were fun or that came easy to me had no value, only the ones that involve effort “count.” But the things that involved the most effort for me were mundane tasks that came easy to others, so they had no value, either.
ADHD involves SO many
micromoments of shame. Stepping Over the pile of laundry. Re-
remembering the bill you still haven’t paid. The sink full of dishes and the fridge leftovers lurking in the back. The small but recurring should have" is cumulative and it’s painful.
The last one’s text wasn’t "Select"able on my phone
I can’t count the number of times I start talking about executive dysfunction and someone immediately chirps in with “make a list, chunk it down, say you’re going to do this for 20 minutes and then take a break.” I eventually started asking in response, "Do you suggest to your depression patients simply not being sad? Do you tell your anxiety patients not to worry about stuff? Because that’s what I’m hearing, and it tells me you don’t
I find the practice of making daily to-do lists still helps, not because I’ll be able to necessarily do the thing for 20 minutes on the first try, but after those 20 minutes i might look down at my little note and be able to remember what it was I was supposed to be doing… and then I can have another attempt at maybe doing it in the next 20 minutes.
Here’s a sampling:
Gosh, the micromoments of shame really really hits home
It’s the last one for me
‘Just write it down’
‘IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!!!’
I find the practice of making daily to-do lists still helps, not because I’ll be able to necessarily do the thing for 20 minutes on the first try, but after those 20 minutes i might look down at my little note and be able to remember what it was I was supposed to be doing… and then I can have another attempt at maybe doing it in the next 20 minutes.