Yeah, some confuse staying calm, with fear, submission, “not having the balls” or something else in that vein. My problem is, that i only know both extremes. I have thick skin, it takes a while until i get really emotional about something bothering me, but then I make decisions or treat people in a way that stuns them. This has cost me lots of friendships and some other things.

I would love to be able to gradually get angry about something, signalling to everyone involved that i have a problem with something and maybe be able to talk things out.

The trick is to never give them what they want. If they want outrage, be quiet. If they want quiet compliance, object loudly. If they expect pushback, go along with it.