Yeah I’ve heard some women I’ve dated complain about men not being honest with their feelings and then when one is suddenly they “have the ick” like, seriously? Just be consistent. Don’t tell me to be open and then when I tell you about my fears and worries act like I’m a pussy for not being able to handle it myself. I could have, but you wanted it this way and now you’re not attracted to me anymore.
Speaking from the male perspective, I’ve struggled with this as well. Sometimes it seems being tacit is “rewarded” by esteem.
So firstly, that is a sign that your partner may not be the one for you. But secondly, many of us men do not know how to communicate our emotions very well. We tend to think a breakdown is communication, when that’s just as explosion - a loss of control, maybe because the actual emotional communication didn’t come soon enough.
I fared a lot better after I payed attention to how women navigate this stuff amongst themselves. They often go back and forth very rapidly with tiny emotionally charged statements, and do lots of following up and outreach. Sometimes they’ll do nice stuff for each other that doesn’t make sense until you realise it’s tied to some other thing.
Lots of multidimensional supporting and being supported going back. And if it’s not going both ways, or the sines aren’t syncing, then that just means that particular relationship is not 10/10 and that’s ok.
Yeah, every time I’ve allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman I was dating it was like a switch flipped on her attraction to me. Nothing was the same after that and I’d much prefer to have sex regularly than have a shoulder to cry on, so I won’t be doing that again. Whenever I mention that I always get told “you’re just dating the wrong people”. Which, ok maybe, but I’ve never exactly had options lining up around the block.
Yeah I’ve heard some women I’ve dated complain about men not being honest with their feelings and then when one is suddenly they “have the ick” like, seriously? Just be consistent. Don’t tell me to be open and then when I tell you about my fears and worries act like I’m a pussy for not being able to handle it myself. I could have, but you wanted it this way and now you’re not attracted to me anymore.
Speaking from the male perspective, I’ve struggled with this as well. Sometimes it seems being tacit is “rewarded” by esteem.
So firstly, that is a sign that your partner may not be the one for you. But secondly, many of us men do not know how to communicate our emotions very well. We tend to think a breakdown is communication, when that’s just as explosion - a loss of control, maybe because the actual emotional communication didn’t come soon enough.
I fared a lot better after I payed attention to how women navigate this stuff amongst themselves. They often go back and forth very rapidly with tiny emotionally charged statements, and do lots of following up and outreach. Sometimes they’ll do nice stuff for each other that doesn’t make sense until you realise it’s tied to some other thing.
Lots of multidimensional supporting and being supported going back. And if it’s not going both ways, or the sines aren’t syncing, then that just means that particular relationship is not 10/10 and that’s ok.
Yeah, every time I’ve allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman I was dating it was like a switch flipped on her attraction to me. Nothing was the same after that and I’d much prefer to have sex regularly than have a shoulder to cry on, so I won’t be doing that again. Whenever I mention that I always get told “you’re just dating the wrong people”. Which, ok maybe, but I’ve never exactly had options lining up around the block.