Because of the two, 2 girls 1 cup has less shit in it.

GIS? What is that? Gooning is sexy?

Soley? No. Huge part of it? Absolutely.

GPS can go offline. If you’re handy enough to navigate from the stars, I trust that method much more than a gps service.

Just now catching onto that? Well let me make your day by saving you money with Honey!

(Don’t actually download Honey. It’s just a tracking service)

…do people not like mint chocolate chip?

I mean, it’s not my number one, but I DO like it.

Funnily enough, hardcore liquor doesn’t seem to affect them much.

I was 21, and poured myself a shot of Bacardi 151. This is a liquor so strong they stopped making it because people were going to the hospital. Jack Danials whisky is 80 proof. Bacardi 151 is 151 proof. So just barely shy of being twice as strong as Jack Danials.

Anyways, I pour myself a shot, and don’t drink it. I get up, go to the kitchen to see if I still have any gatoraide left.

I come back with 2 bottles, and my shot is gone. I’m like “…I know I didn’t drink it…” and I was failing to think of a reasonable explaination for what just happened. Then I see my cat looking at the end of the table looking guilty. I was like “OH GOD NO!!!”

But it was 4am. There are no vets open at 4am.

I was like “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Even if a vet were open, I’m waaaay too drunk to drive right now. You better just stay alive, you sneaky little shit. Oh…I don’t mean that. I don’t want that to be the last thing I say to you. Come here, let me hug you.”

And she vomited all over me. And I said “Hopefully thats good. C’mon, lets go feed you some more food so you can vomit more.”

She wouldn’t eat. I stayed up until 7am, called the taxi place (because this story was in 2003 before uber), and told them I needed an emergancy taxi. And explained why.

The vet saw her, and said one shot of alcohol wasn’t enough to kill a cat. I explained how strong this stuff was, but he said she wouldn’t die.

She did however hate all noise for the next day, and prefered darkness. And then I realized “oh my god, my cat is legitimately hung over…”

The day after that she was fine. And I never left open alcohol near her ever again. Not even beer.

Just a year? C’mooooon. Permanent!!!

I once dated a girl who had the tiniest little kitten. Like half the size of this kitten.

But for some reason, the kitten hated men. Our theory was that after the girl I was dating leaves the house, and her mom leaves the house, that her stepdad was doing something abusive to the kitten.

So it would hiss at me whenever I came over.

I picked her up, and put her in my open palmed hands at she hissed and hissed until she got tired, and fell asleep in my hands. Then she purred and purred, and 10 minutes later she woke up and hissed some more.

We ended up breaking up, so I never got to gain that kittys trust. I miss that little furball of hate.

Am I the only one who thought she was just into tying guys up?

Now Microsoft…what did we learn today?

So, did you not read the full comment that you’re responding to?You know, the one where I made fun of americans not having the self awareness to know the country is a piece of shit, and then realized it midway through, and then gave up on defending the country, and switched to defending milk cartons instead?

I mean, how did we get “Dick” from Richard?

Or “Bill” from “William”?

Or option B.

Which is to punch them in the face. Which does tend to be effective, but also carries legal risk.

Hi, american here! Ha ha ha! I laugh at your silly milk arguements! Clearly milk is meant to be in a hard carton with a screw on top.

realises I’m telling other countries how to do things

…

remembers what america looks like right now

…dammit! I miss the 90s when my country wasn’t a dumpster fire! I’m fine with clinton getting a blowjob from a consenting adult. I’m not fine with pedophiles and fascism.

Have your milk however you want. Just don’t use the metric system.

1000 guesses and I would never have pieced that together.

I’m fairly sure the person you’re replying to is referencing the last time McDonalds tried this.

A man with a dash cam tried ordering a big mac meal large with a coke, no ice.

The AI system instead tried charging him for 83 dasani water bottles.

When he tried to cancel the order, the AI confirmed his order.

He wasn’t trying to prank anyone. The dash cam was for accident protection when drivers try to brake check you, and then say you hit them.

The dashcam recorded everything, and he just hit “save past 20 minutes”. Then later edited it down. This was in 2024.

Oh…oh you must be new here. And by “here” I mean Earth.

To be fair…most of the general population are indeed suckers.

Uses jet engines for power?

Welp. Guess we know what happened to the old Spirit Airlines fleet.