I finally finished Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, after nearly 300 hours. Holy fuck, there is so much video game in that god-damn video game. It just keeps going for so much longer than it needs to. Then on top of that they went and added several new features like raiding, and a roguelike game mode which I enjoyed.

It’s a mediocre game, but it’s a fun time if you’re like me and just enjoy exploring big maps, collecting items, upgrading gear, etc. I enjoyed the DLC, but I’m not planning on picking up Dawn of Ragnarök because the mythical storyline just doesn’t interest me.

When I’ve been playing for 5 hours and needed a piss for 3 hours.

My entire D&D group. Thanks gang!

One time when I was 11 we were given a tour of our city’s zoo by two ladies, who were retired zookeepers. They showed us around the zoo’s museum, and told us that the tiger pelt hanging on the wall belonged to their favourite animal, who they’d both looked after.

I put up my hand and asked why they’d skinned it and nailed it to a wall if they loved it so much. They both got really fucking mad, but I stand by what I said.

Hideo Kojima’s games are bad.

For context, when I was 11 my friend told me that MGS was incredible, so I went to his house to play it. It was fucking tedious. I spent hours shuffling around grey corridors, interspersed with painfully long dialog and cut scenes that were mostly about nothing.

Then, years later I decided to go back to MGS V and give the series another try. I had the exact same reaction to it as the original game. Endless waffle about characters and situations that meant nothing to me, uninspired modern military aesthetics, and boring locations.

They were clearly very well-made games, and I appreciate that people have massive regard for them. I just don’t like them at all.