Monkeytennis

That’s good, it might contribute to why I feel more mentally balanced when I stick to a green tea and high vegetable diet since that’s apparently a rich source of l-theanine and GABA. It’s hard to separate from the other benefits.

I don’t like our culture of having a magic pill for everything, when there are simpler (less processed, less packaging, much cheaper) things to try first that promote better health overall. But green tea, sweet potatoes and oily fish aren’t sexy marketing propositions that can be marked up x percent.

Ah yes, the placebo section. Like magic, the more it costs, the better it works.

IKR, seems way more common for men to do this, especially when kids come along. If I were the one bearing children, there’s no way I’d do it unmarried.

Had a convo with my mum last month, where she was concerned that I wasn’t looking to supercharge my career as I enter my 40s. She couldn’t understand why I’d declined an interview with Meta.

I had to spell it out… I won’t miss that extra money. I don’t have an expensive lifestyle, and I don’t want one. I’d miss the time lost with my kids, and I’d sure as shit regret the stress and anxiety of additional work pressure.

But then, I also had to explain why staying in an unhappy marriage “for the kids” is infinitely worse than peaceful and happy co-parenting.

Boomers. Sigh.

I agree on performance, but I’m well paid and would tolerate almost zero unjustified inconvenience. I can afford to take a cut, but in reality would probably earn even more elsewhere.

More experienced folk are also more likely to go freelance, since they have the skills, experience and contacts. Perm roles only make sense when they bring stability and benefits. I expect to see this a lot more, if RTO continues.

I also find the “just look how bad the hands are heh heh heh” thing so dumb … it’s going to learn how to draw hands pretty quickly

This is not news. Stop upvoting Twitter spam, it’s not even vaguely interesting.

Absolutely fine to politely ask for a salary range, in my experience. I’ve never found they hide it, but the ranges can be broad.

Blaming young adults and families is unfair. Many institutions need to be held to account for advertising outcomes which don’t materialise for their students.

Unfortunately it seems there are no consequences for the universities, and it’s not hard to make those qualifications seem both alluring and lucrative.

There’s got to be a way to hold them to account for the countless graduates who don’t end up finding industry positions.

I’m probably in an echo chamber. I hope that 2nd application goes well for you.

In my experience, good candidates (including interns/juniors) are still landing the roles. Hiring in tech/design/product is tough because there’s a deluge of applicants who’ve either coasted during the boom, or been sold a lie by an educational institution.

You can spot the ones who apply for 40 jobs a week, and those who’ve used chatGPT a mile off, and they’re usually the worst candidates, with long, bland, unfocused resumes.

LinkedIn is full of my worst ex-colleagues bemoaning the lack of opportunities, like they’re entitled to it.

Please tell me if I’m being unfair. Maybe I should be less cynical.

A shameful culprit IMO was the Kermode and Mayo film review. Two wealthy broadcasters (one extremely wealthy) who left the BBC, created an objectively worse show, half of which immediately went behind a paywall. Then they started voicing atrocious adverts and wingeing that people should pay so they could keep the lights on.

They could easily have experimented with a Patreon, but the arrogance was clear.

The only upside was that I felt no pain in dropping them like a stone, but I do miss the old show and never found a good replacement.

I know what you mean, but it would depend on my current situation. Assuming I’ve had to find another job with short notice (and I’m still in my probation period) it could be a great opportunity to leverage a massive pay increase, then spend the next year planning a proper move.

I wouldn’t list it as separate employment on my CV, unless I knew it was going to be scrutinised, in which case, it’s easily explained and reflects pretty well - they wanted me back.

I used to meet a lot of these people in the office. They’d resign themselves to their situations and blame everyone else.

When I come across it now, I’ll listen and then ask what could make it better. 50% of the time it’s “does not compute” + excuses.

Choose to watch 2hrs Netflix every night or settle for a crappy job or relationship? Go for it, I’m not judging you. Bitch that it’s your only option? Nope.

I used to think that’s all I had the energy to do. Turns out reading a couple chapters, learning a bit of guitar, going on a short walk, journalling… all takes minimal mental and physical energy, but feels 10x better to do. I got stuck in shitty habits and convinced myself that’s all I could do.

Coddling has the negative connotation - to consistently overprotect. Occasional spoiling is an entirely different and good thing.

You missed my point. I’m ignoring nothing, I’m suggesting OP seek out men who will be supportive, because they’re not hard to find.

I’m certain I could find studies as proof, but don’t we all already know this to be true?

Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can’t. It’s not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you’ll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?

I’ve been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it’s caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I’m still pretty reserved but a few things are different:

• I care a lot less about conforming to “ideals” or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
• When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they’re doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one’s reacted negatively to that, so far.
• With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don’t coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They’re still young, so we’ll see.
• During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I’ll ask about it and say I’m happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
• If someone asks how I am, I won’t lay it all out for them, but I’ll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they’ve been through similar. It’s never been awkward, and I’ve found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.

As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It’s interesting that you found the opposite. Anyway, I’ll stop there and wish you well!