I don’t usually ever talk about things like this, especially to strangers and I will probably delete it eventually but….
I’m 21. And from like age 8-20 I had a problem with stealing. And it was not because I necessarily needed to but I would usually just take candy from stores. Only time I took something I actually needed were some batteries and a phone charger but nothing beyond just that. I also took money from my classmates lockers and I even once almost took someone’s iPod, but I was so afraid that I ended up giving it back the next day. But what’s even worse is the fact that I have taken some of my brother’s birthday/Christmas money that he keeps in a stash. Rough estimate at least $250. Could be less. And yes I do feel horrible about it all. And I wish I could go back in time and have never done it to begin with. Fast forward to now I have successfully fought off the urge to shoplift because I know how bad it can be for your career if you get caught. I’m currently a full time college student so I don’t work. My dad gives me a certain amount of spending money every week to kind of help me. And I have been putting a bit of it back in my brother’s stash as restitution. And no I haven’t told my brother because we do have a good relationship and he’s one of the closest people to me. I appreciate any advice. Feel free to call me a pos as well.
Edited Update: thanks for the advice and support. So basically after going back and forth about it I decided to tell my mom pretty much what I told this thread. I didn’t go too deep into detail in terms of listing every single thing I took but I told her enough to know what’s going on. Surprisingly, she didn’t get angry about it. Disappointed, yes. But I know she was glad I told her. She reminded me in her humorous fashion that she “reserves the right to get mad.” So this weekend we plan on going to the bank to get money out of my savings and give it to my brother. Right now, he’s at school in a difference city and won’t be back until Spring break. That’s when I plan on telling him and giving him the money and will offer to buy him lunch afterwards. I do feel better now that my mom knows but the mission isn’t accomplished until my brother knows. Like I said, him and I are fairly close and we rarely fight over anything besides petty stupid stuff, so I don’t know how he will react. Prayers and good luck would be appreciated as well as any additional advice.
Okay I don’t have any advice except this:
If you have to steal, please only steal from big corporate chain stores, not the small bussiness.
Also, be careful, cameras are everywhere these days.
I’m not judging the act of theft, just where you steal from. Please only steal from the rich.
Edit: Btw, I also really want to steal stuff… just because…
The only thing stopping me is the legal punishment. I hate the rich for what they’ve done to society and I’d love to steal, it makes me happy.
I already do a lot of digital piracy. I feel so good. Its a victimless crime. 🏴☠️
Also, spread theft around… A guy in Lowes was telling me they don’t try and stop thieves until they rack up $10k of stuff so they can hit them with a bigger charge. Said they are using facial recognition and tracking that way now. Might have been full of shit but my dystopian mind thought it plausible.
if you are really worried about it have a session with a mental health professional. Kleptomania is a type of OCD and can and should be treated
I heard about kleptomania but I don’t have the desire to steal as much as I did when I was a kid.
Doesn’t hurt to talk to someone about it, maybe you’ve aged out of it, maybe it’s slowly manifesting itself in a different way, there are professionals that can tell the difference.
Nobody is going to hold a young adult accountable for minor things they did as a child, especially not a psychiatrist. It’s better to get checked when you have the awareness that something night not have been right, because when things are very wrong you won’t have the desire to get checked.
Fundamentally, your question is “does it make me a bad person if I have done bad things?”, which is so complicated that people make entire philosophies and religions out of the answers to that, haha.
My view: you can be a good person who has done bad things, if you change your behavior and try to make amends. That doesn’t mean everyone has to accept or forgive you, but it’s a necessary part of being a good person.
You gotta talk to a psych and get diagnosed
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with stealing if you need to, but in our society, you’ve done some things that are socially unacceptable. However, you can’t change the past so don’t worry about it. People do dumb shit when they’re young. You can only change your behavior to better yourself and your neighbors in the future. Be better tomorrow than you were today.
“What is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”
- Paarthurnax
Seek a therapist. Some universities offer their students counseling for free if you can’t afford it.
I would be careful with this. My university says it can use anything I say in counseling against me in a lawsuit.
Stealing as a compulsion is a psychological issue it’s nothing to feel bad about as you have no control over it, just a) do the best you can to NOT do that and b) as a college student, you should have assistance available to you to help out. It might be worth talking to a counsellor about it or see of the school offers psych services.
Failing that, in the US, under Obamacare, you’re covered under your parents health insurance until you turn 26, it would be worth seeing what services are available there.
There are no good and bad people. People are just people, with all the complexity that involves.
But if you feel this concern then it’s probably a sign to talk to a mental health professional.
Obviously shitty, but you seem to understand that and are working to stop. Nobody was permanently or seriously harmed, and you’re working on making reparations to the person that you harmed the most, even if they don’t know it.
Sounds like you were a shitty kid that didn’t know better, and that you’ve gained some forethought. Sucks that it mostly came from fear of consequences for yourself instead of empathy to others, but it also seems like you’re on the right path.
It’s okay to grow and to learn how to be a better person. Keep going. Seconding the other commenter that suggested therapy - even if not directly about this.
I mean, you already know it’s not a good thing, and you already know the “moral” reasons and the practical reasons why.
Colleges will often provide counseling, psychological, and psychiatric services for free or cheap. They’re not going to turn you in, they’re going to try to help you work past these urges that harm yourself & others.
I’ll tap in for Brother Bear!
What are you trying to solve here beyond indulging guilt? Your last sentence is outright asking to be told you’re bad. If you want validation or excuse for that you can go to confession or seek diagnosis (which might fairly fit into your plan, I’m not judging).
You say, “If you steal from someone … saying sorry doesn’t do much for me because if you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.” I hear, “avoidance”. Apologies are promises, commitments, and covenants, not regret and remorse. Simply Feeling Bad is the relinquished barfly’s philosophy and doesn’t accomplish much but prolonging the bad feeling.
Talking anonymously online or in person can be a healthy start to validate and work through both the stealing and the secrecy, but growing beyond those releases all The Stuff so you can exist honestly and authentically with your pack.
You are a very good person, because you are reflective of your past, conscious of your actions, and have morals that gave you the guilt that you feel. You’re alright little one.
Feel free to call me a pos
this feels like a trap
Robin Hood is a thief. You’re not a bad person. I get it. I have enough money and sometimes I have the urge to steal. It would be terrible to get caught because I have an exemplary function at work, to my children, in my surroundings… You have to consider whether it’s worth it. The fact that you ask the question is a good thing.
I used to steal a lot when I was a teen, mostly for the thrill. We grow and we mature and we change. It sounds like you’re becoming a better person and also watching out for your future. That’s commendable.
I agree with another user who suggested therapy. I’ve been in therapy most of my life (with some gaps) starting when I was the teen who was constantly getting arrested and causing trouble. It switched from a thing I was forced to do and became a thing that I do to help realize my goals in adulthood. Example: figured out why I was still angry about a thing from years ago and successfully put it behind me in a recent session.
Maybe you don’t need to speak to someone. That’s fine, too. Your brain is still developing. If you succeed in not stealing any more and you pay back your brother perhaps it’s all fine. But again, I think there’s value in understanding the compulsion if you still feel it but aren’t acting on it.
You’re not a shitty person. If you go back to stealing, you’ll be something of a shitty person. But if it’s a phase you’ve outgrown and you try to make it right, that’s called being young and stupid. We all go through it to some degree in our own ways. Focus on your future and on being a good person each day. It’s fine.
