This is an old throwback now: Does anyone remember me complaining about some “Mates” Who had kids and made some really distasteful “Jokes” back when we were still struggling ourselves? Something about throwing their baby in the bin or something cause he was frustrating them? Well, got a bit of an update on them.
Drama
They are struggling. Hard. Her mental health is in the bin, and he is pushed for time having taken a job that seems him out of the house from 5am till 6 or 7 pm. Add another kid to the mix and its not going well. he made a joke about “Needing more support”. I laughed cause we also don’t have family around us. But I think it was kind of a hint and I just… fucking no chance. I didn’t say anything, but there is NO way we’re stepping into that mess.
Almost everything that’s going wrong was visible from a mile away before they made the decision. Her mental health is crap cause her family fucking suck, but she does running back to them every time. They threw a dog and another baby on top of the first one who I think has some development issues. The whole thing is a mess and i know it sounds cruel, but there’s no way to help them without them trying to suck you into the vortex of their drama. I’ve made that mistake 2 or 3 times before, I’m not making it a 4th time. If you could just drop off a meal or babysit for a bit to help without hearing how horrible everything is and leaving feeling worse for having done a nice thing…
I feel sorry for them, but at what point do you go “You’ve kind of shot yourself in the foot there, can you please not bleed on my kitchen floor?”
Does seem that they’re setting themselves up to fail - and each to have enough material to put the blame on the other. Shit show coming up, so I would suggest distancing yourself - you have enough to cope with with your own responsibilities. They need professional help (and sounds like both need a good kick up the backside too).
There’s a reason why airlines stress that you should put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE putting them on your kids.
It starts off a couple of hours of babysitting, ends up the whole day because of unforeseeable circumstances. I know a couple who drop their kid off at the in-laws for 4 hours so they can do the “shopping”. Shopping right, yeah sure.
from what I understand getting her out of the house would be an achievement. But man I’d happily take the kids if it meant they could clean the house or something! I’m not one for judging, i’ve got a toddler I know its hard and our place is frequently a mess too. But theirs looks like the start of a hoarders episode. Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them, so theres no chance I’m looking after a kid that cant/wont listen to me.
Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them
oh god, that’s because the kid is hearing disrespectful talk and seeing disrespectful behaviour between his parents . 😖
Possibly, or its part of his development issue. its hard to tell. They keep saying they are seeking help with them, but ever time I ask they seem to be waiting for something.
That’s incredibly sad. I hope she gets the help she needs because that’s no way to live.
yeah I hope so. But I dont think theres a diplomatic way to say “Hey I see you guys are struggling, I think maybe applying X Y and Z might help a bit” without being sucked in.
Yep. You’ll either get told EVERYTHING or told to mind your own business.
They seem like the type of couple that don’t think things out enough. Something new becomes something old very fast. Never content.
You’re doing the right thing by staying out of it, as hard as it may be.
You’re doing the right thing by staying out of it, as hard as it may be.
Cheers, I think I was looking for that even if I didnt know it.
Well, you help a mate out. You can’t manage their life for them. You’ve got your own household. Cheers.
Good grief. And here I am, early thirties, stressed I’m falling behind.
Don’t burn yourself to keep others warm. They both need help, but they need to ask the right orgs. The most I would do is point them towards Ask Izzy if they’re struggling financially.
Honestly reckon they just need an adult to come in and go “Right, you do X, You do Y! No not tomorrow, right fucking now!” But good point on burning yourself to keep others warm. We’re managing ok where we are right now, but if we’re being honest having a toddler is tough some days! Rewarding, dont get me wrong! But tough. We’re all running our own race.
It gets to a point when people need to face consequences of their actions and decisions.
You can empathize with them without putting yourself out there to help.
There is plenty on your plate to deal with, without the additional complexity of someone’s problems.
A diplomatic answer is “I’m sorry that’s the situation you’re in, but we currently don’t have the time and capacity to help”. If this person persists and keeps asking ‘why not’, maybe stop talking to them. ‘No’ is a complete sentence.
i think I’m just gonna take some space from them tbh. The mental load of just being with them and seeing the struggle was a lot. Came home and joked with the mrs “I know we’ve got our hands full some times, but maaaan that really puts things in perspective”.
As we get older, we realise that not everyone is a positive addition to your life. Obligations to friends (and family) diminish as you start looking out for yourself and your family.
yeah 100%. Got a full time job of being a dad. Can help others float but not at the risk of being pulled under with them.
personally I wouldn’t mind whinging, it’s just a coping mechanism
it’s when they are also abusive to me or are angry when offered assistance that i nope out, iow, is it real or is it a game, is it tragedy or a personality disorder
the woman sounds isolated and in need of an ear, would benefit from joining a mom’s group
Playgroups are a lifeline for mums and dads. I still talk to mums who I met through there.
She sort of expects you to get involved with their shit like bitching about him to you or whatever as if she expects you to fix it? And at first you kind of understand, we all do it to a lesser degree. But after the 8th time of hearing how horrible a situation is that has a really obvious (if uncomfortable) solution it gets tedious as fuck! Yes, life is hard sometimes, but if you never make an effort to fix things it wont get better. A great example is the dog. She’ll go “Oh the dog is so hard to manage” “have you taken him to training yet?” “No, not yet, I’ve just been sooo busy with X” Right… its been 2 years bro. At at certain point this is YOUR fault.
Agreed they need a support network, just dont think we can be it for them.
Not all effort is visible. The biggest effort a person makes is getting to the psychological position where they are able to understand what is happening , understand themselves and start to look for ways to make change.
If they get angry when they are offered help or helped then it’s a game and then I would outright stop. If they are abusive then I would stop.
Stick to your guns man. Don’t hurt yourself to help others when you’re trying to balance your own life.
I’m starting off the new financial year with pay day today. A bit of a tax cut and a sliver more Super. If the new EBA gets through there will be a pay rise in a couple of months. Not enough to keep up with the CPI increases of the last couple of years but it’s nice to be finally closing the gap a bit.
I have a business idea for anyone that wants to take it. I noticed Red Hat have a partner page, and their aren’t a lot of Australian based companies on there. LibreOffice also has a page about LibreOffice enterprise and LibreOffice in the cloud.
Go through the certifications and you could have your own consultancy that sets up Linux and LibreOffice for businesses.
It’s not a guaranteed money maker and you’d need to offer other services, but it’s nice to know there’s an option to get people off Windows. There might be demand for it with concerns around recall and the demands of Windows 11.
Do with this what you want, I don’t have the time, skills, or network to make this viable myself.
The irony of me being so active in food subs. But I used to really enjoy cooking and want to pass my favourite tips and recipes on
Happy New Year everyone!
White rabbits white rabbits white rabbits
Happy New Year 🎉
I think about this every five years or so , the singing detective , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hos1hoI2neU
Good Morning everyone
I made scones. Cheese, pepper & chives and pumpkin & chilli flakes. All very delicious. I’m tired now.
Love a scone, especially in this weather.
Baker’s delight had some nice cheese & chive scones but they’re gone now so I had to make my own.
Bet yours are better!
Naw. Thanks. They are pretty close. Your biscuits inspired me.
Ooommmgggg. I still gotta make mine, but considering making crumpets and muffins as well. The latter freeze real easy
I made them in the airfryer. 10 minutes on 190c.
they look nice 😋
Thank you. They were really good.
cheese seems to make the best crusts on bread and scones, so crunchy delicious
I used pecorino with peppercorns. I used so much that it wasn’t fair to just call them cheese & chives scones.
Breakfast 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋
Smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel please
🚬🐟🍦🍩
Ugh I bought some smoked NZ king salmon yesterday as a treat and now I think I know what I’m having for lunch… scrambled eggs and smoked salmon on toast with garden chives and parsley. And a tiny smidge of homemade hot sauce
Yummmm
That sounds amazing.
Back in the Covid days when my workplace was providing meals (in an attempt to make sure we showed up at work) I had the opportunity a few times to take home uneaten smoked salmon sandwiches from lunch. I made salmon risotto for dinner, then scrambled eggs with salmon for breakfast. It was really, really good.
Green jasmine tea and toast please. Also a handful of gummy vitamins to replace all the vitamins lost while I have been on pain meds for so long.
🍵🍞🧸🧸🧸🧸🧸🧸
nom nom thank you
Taking a break from a rewatch of The Strain to watch Abigail was doubly hilarious, it’s like watching Fet get nerfed.
Dinner report part 2.
As I wrote below bro has been in hospital and he really is poorly, no denying that, even hypochondriacs get sick. Husband’s mother was there, she’s elderly now, and she was complaining she was so tired from visiting bro in hospital everyday. It’s a 45 min drive there .
I got 🙄 and reminded her the doctors told her to only visit every second day. She was so angry that she couldn’t play victim. I do not care, I don’t think the others did either.
She asked if she could take food home, I gave her the scrapings off her own plate and put them in an old washed take away container. She didn’t get a carry bag either. She doesn’t get meals to take home anymore , not after her slanderous games.
I just do. not. care.
Morning cuddles
slipped on a wet floor and fell face first towards the hardwood dining table. my hand managed to catch the side of the table with about 10cm to spare before I smashed my forehead. Suspect with the speed it woulda at least knocked me out. Sad to report I neither saw the light nor had my life flash before my eyes.
hugs , that’s quite a scare
You’re not wrong! heart was pounding for a while. And the adrenaline was nuts.
Oh no! Good save.
I also stepped on a wet patch. It was cat vomit. I didn’t slip, so I guess that’s a win.
I’ll be honest I THINK I’d prefer the cat puke, but its a very small margin.
Just can’t shake the blues. No idea what’s wrong specifically, just a grey cloud hanging over me.
I think the isolation might be getting to me. I don’t normally speak to a friend more than once or so a fortnight.
That’s a big part of work for me. I miss being around people. I feel alive when I’m around people. I’m getting by on the fumes of an oily rag so going out and doing stuff isn’t really possible.
Just gotta be patient.
/vent
The intermittently grey weather doesn’t help. I know what you mean about work. I feel a bit disconnected from society without it. The people in this thread have been an essential part of me feeling more connected to people.
I really relate to this. While I’m off work I’ve somehow turned into someone who goes to the gym everyday (I am so not a natural exerciser), and part of that is just the benefit of being around people. I’m only doing group classes so there’s a bit of a community feel. And I’m throwing myself into some existing volunteer stuff.
The cold weather is not helping.
I’m a card-carrying introvert, but prolonged isolation (and lack of purpose) will definitely bring round grey clouds that are hard to shift. Permanent WFH was really shit for me in that regard. I could feel myself sinking a bit before I got my current jobs too, the break was nice at the start but then I started getting a bit loopy…
Really crossing my fingers that something pans out for you very soon mate. It’s been a while 😔
we’re here , hugs
Just can’t shake the blues
Drowning in these melancholic hues
Shades of hope ride the rising tide
Adrift but I know it’s gonna be alrightI get it. Vast majority of my social interactions are through work. If it went away, I’d be lost, and I have been in the past. With the tenacity you appear to have, I’m sure it will be over soon and you’ll be looking forward to your solo evenings and weekends with Gibson. Hang in there 💪
Just back from Brunswick and popped into some opshops. Not one stripe jumper on the racks anywhere. All gone.
