In all my years I’ve never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
“Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?”
Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y’all don’t know how to live
you can cut them you know?
“Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”
I mean… Yes. Yyes please
I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.
This is 4chan, though… I’m not shocked an incel would think this.
“Shit, man, shit shit shit.”
“Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What’s wrong?”
“It’s a customer, man.”
“Please tell me they didn’t take an orange from the bottom of the stack again.”
“No, no. Worse. So much worse. He’s buying the boule.”
“Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard.”
“No, man, I’m telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the ‘sourdough boule.’ He’s got it in his cart now.”
“…You’re serious.”
“Yes, man. He’s about to fucking buy the boule.”
“Shit, man. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I- I don’t know. This has never happened before.”
“We have to alert them.”
“Them?”
“You know, them.”
“Wh- you mean the simulation people?”
“You got a better idea?”
“Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-”
“H-hello? Um… Sim- simulation people? Um-”
“What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-”
“Yes?”
“…”
“…”
“Steve… you… you heard that, ri-”
“I don’t have all day. What is it?”
“Shit, um.”
“Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-”
“Missus.”
“Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof… tinny an-”
“Look, we’ve got a problem. It’s one of the… simulated.”
“Mmm hmm?”
“He’s on his way to the checkout now.”
“And?”
“He’s buying the boule.”
“Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with.”
“Oh. Um. O…kay. Um. Thank yo-”
“Wait, how exactly will it be deal-”
This reads like They’re Made Out of Meat. It’s brilliant.
Thanks for the recommendation! Here’s the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
That was a fun read! Thanks for that
This American Life had H Jon Benjamin perform this, episode 803.
That sounds amazing
And a short film based on the story.
This is WBRC’s 9 o’clock news, I’m Ned Albertson.
Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.
idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
Are you watching their politics? This can’t be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that’s way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I’m afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some “bright” ideas over here. Guess I’ll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.
How we wish.
“we” as in the countries affected by their foreign policy?
That too.
Clinical insanity, that’s what it is.
Sheltered American…they can’t keep the bread on the shelves where I’m at
So you think you’ve found the hole of simulation and don’t even try to buy some to see if it is really a decoration? WTF bro
Omfg is this a marketing stunt by the baked goods industry to sell more bread?
Many will walk up to edge, but few have the courage to see if they can fly.
You can’t even interact with these objects. You click ‘e’ and nothing happens. I tried, I tried.
Well, I surely tried to turn around fast enough to see wether there was sth. Behind me or not -when I was 14.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth – nothing more.”
“Wait… did you just eat both loaves at once??!”
I m French and in France we buy EVERY bread in a bakery .for real after 5pm you have basically nothing .
Sauf le pain aux raisins parce que c’est une abomination
Et la chocolatine parce que ça n’existe pas
Same here, swiss.
France has laws against throwing away food which makes them plan better. In Germany, the shelfs are full till the end so customers can choose. I think this is changing too but I’m not often in bakeries that late.
It’s the same in the Netherlands, although our bread is shit.
The French sure do love their
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it’s just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don’t want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
I bake my sourdough weekly. Once you have your sourdough it is pretty much the same effort, but you don’t have to use yeast anymore and you need to plan a bit more time for the bread to rise. It is worth it for the taste.
I’d love to get into it but I just don’t have the time to get past the initial start up. Plus after work I am just exhausted and I definitely don’t have the fortitude to make it a weekly ritual (not to mention we just don’t eat that much bread). Maybe someday though.
If you ever want to try it but have no interest to make the starter, just ask around in your community. More often than you think there is this one person who has their sourdough and is more than happy to share it. I shared mine multiple times over the years, because I know getting started is no fun at all.
You can also freeze the sourdough to use from time to time or keep it in the fridge and just refresh it weekly to bi-weekly by mixing some of it with a bit of water and flour.
That’s a great idea! maybe it’s not as hard as I thought… at least if I’m able to snag some starter :)
I had the opposite experience with it lasting longer. My homemade sandwich loaf will not last more than a week without molding… Supermarket bread (the mass produced stuff, dunno about the made in store stuff) is packed with preservatives and seems to last at least two.
But it’s so much better that it was never going to last that long anyway.
I usually make two and freeze one
The preservative they use is oil. You’ll notice your own bread dries out much quicker than the mass produced stuff. There’s maybe some other preservatives in there, but it’s mostly just a lack of water
For us the deli bread lasts 3 days on average, the regular store bought bread lasts like actually forever but it’s awful so not worth it, the bread I made lasted more than a month. We did however store it in the fridge and I’m sure the recipe and how you handle it are critical.
you’re telling me that this guy saw something that he didn’t understand, but payed piqued his curiosity, and instead of trying it to see what it’s like he goes straight to skizo posting about it on the Internet?
this is why trump is winning.
Who?
/b/ - Random
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Removed by mod
I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I’m an NPC
I don’t offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
that’s the correct answer because that bread goes stale in about 6 hours
Buy the boule coward!
I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.
This is the way. Don’t let OP know about us.
the bread is real. what you arent seeing is the removal of the unsold products that are almost certainly being donated to homeless shelters and hog farmers, then replaced with fresh loaves the next day. there are fda rules in place to prevent leaving such products out more than a couple days.
are almost
certainly being donated to homeless sheltersbeing thrown away and people who are taking some are persecuted… and hog farmersfixed that for you :)
you fixed nothing maybe where you live thats how it works but here in tejas we follow food safety rules as well as donated unsold produce to our local foodbanks and shelters. if that isnt how your community works then i hope you get to experience it firsthand. i have and without those good folks deeds we wouldve starved to death a long time ago.
In the capitalists west, there are only small grassroots projects doing this. Most volume of that stuff goes straight in padlocked trash when best before is met
Can confirm that at least Target donates a LOT of food in my area, source being I was on the logistics team and literally watched trucks taking stuff to the food bank
Than you live in a better place than me. Well done to you and your community :)
Have worked in grocery stores, it just gets thrown out. The level of food waste in the United States is legitimately stomach churning.
And not even just thrown out: it’s usually intentionally damaged so it can’t be eaten
Arizona it’s literally considered illegal to dumpster dive anywhere inside of a curb and yet they still also pour bleach on the tossed food at grocery stores to “dissuade” people.
So you can be arrested if you survive being poisoned.
In France it is illegal to throw food out. It has to go to the homeless or those stores will get fined.
You do know most people don’t live in the US, right?
You can safely assume American when you see English and monstrous business behaviors. Aside from that I think the US makes up most of Lemmy traffic anyhow.
The commenter they were responding to literally mentioned the FDA. The US Federal Drug and Safety Administration.
i’ll buy some sourdough or a baguette. usually when reduced to clear.
Also when i was on holiday in the US; sourdough bread was all i could eat. seriously guys, your sandwich bread fucking SUCKS!
The grocery stores have shit bread. It’s also the reason people don’t buy these ones there. Cause if you like good bread you will go to a bakery or make it at home.
Yep. My only sandwich breads are the fancy shit and Aldi because Aldi doesn’t sweeten their whole wheat
Idk about America, but here the fresh bread is fucking gone by 3 hours before closing. Well, except for the dark bread, there’s always a little of that left.
i actually used to work in a grocery store in the US, unloading bread from the bread factory trucks and throwing out old bread. I’d usually have it done by 7 in the morning and very nearly I’d be throwing out exactly as much expired bread as i was putting on the shelf. at no point would a bread sell out.
So it does change then.
San Francisco here, we love fancy bread. Not sure if we entirely count as American though
you gotta feel sorry for someone so out of touch with bread. mmMmmmm sourdough boule
For real. The bakeries over here in Northern Germany even offer different kinds of boules, and they all are very, very tasty.
OP is uncultured and needs more bread in his life.
