I need advice because I’m scared lol.
Nobody ever fell in love without being a little brave
Just gotta work up to ask. For me, I started by asking her to come to a group outing with me. No, not the sleezy tactic of “Totally going to be a group” then it’s just me, but actually a group outing. My friends knew I liked her and they tried to sit so we’d be next to each other. Couple of weeks I worked up the courage to finally ask her to see a movie with me, and she said yes.
At the end of the day, it’s cliche but the worst that would happen is “No.” If it’s a no, it sucks, but accept it, and move on. It’s done, it’s over. No maybes, no what ifs, just, hey she’s not into you, and rejection is never fun, but it happens to the best of us. If she says yes, then great!
Just remember, number 1 tippy top best advice I can give - relationships and love are not like the movies. They just aren’t. She’s a real person, just like you. She has hobbies, likes, dislikes, and she may be a completely different person than who you have in your head. Don’t just ask out a crush you barely know. Get to know her, the real her, not the one you built up in your head. She’s not going to be your Robin Scherbatsky, or your Leia, Arwen, or <<any woman ever from any romcom>>, she’s not going to be the imaginary girl you imagined in your head and what you are going to do, she’s a real human. I like to ground anyone who has a crush and pull them back down to earth. Crushes are fun, but we romanticize the person into someone they’re not. Make sure you like them, not who you think they are.
If you don’t feel ready to ask her out, like if you don’t know her very well, then trust that feeling, and do what I did, try to find some mutual ground where you can get to know each other a bit more. Group settings are great for this, see how well you get along together. When you’re ready, it’ll still be terrifying, but like the quote says, no one ever fell in love without being a little brave.
Note: I realized I wrote this from my point of view. Swap out the pronouns if they don’t apply.
Crushes are fun, but we romanticize the person into someone they’re not.
This. So much this. I fell in this trap a few times and even though I overcame the fear of asking out and the other side accepted and we dated a few times, eventually my disappointment with the difference between what I imagined the person would be vs how the person actually is would kick in and I would start blaming the other person and/or start criticizing the other person.
I now realize that I was trying to force the other person into my personal view of “how that person should be” and that was very unfair to them but I didn’t realize what I was doing while doing it.
This guy relationships.
I was friends with her and I trusted that she would handle it well if she wasn’t interested. And turns out she indeed wasn’t interested, but we did talk about it and decided to just stay friends. It was a little awkward as my feelings for her still lingered a bit, but eventually that passed and I’m now with a wonderful girl who I think is a much better match for me.
We’re still friends to this day.
It takes work but try to stop giving a fuck what anyone thinks of you. Once I did that my life got so much better. Not to be confused with not caring about others just don’t worry what they think of you. That’s their cross to carry.
How did you do that?
Honestly? Ate enough mushrooms to annihilate my ego and realized my self worth. I don’t recommend that technique but it worked for me.
How much grams were needed for that?
About 7 for myself although I’ve actually eaten 15 and not had the same experience. Depends on the strength which is hit or miss
Alright, time to order a grow box again!
I came here to suggest the same thing. Ego death is freedom.
Aging helps. I’m not sure how or why, but these days, I couldnl’t care less about what strangers think of me.
For me it had the opposite effect, sadly. I was pretty confident in myself two years ago, but then I got covid a second time and since then I’m not quite the same. I get nervous all the time and feel stressed easily, which in turn makes me feel sick and sweaty, which makes me nervous again. It’s gotten better through therapy, CBD oil and supplements for the brain, but I’m still not back to my old self and might never be
Booze helped
By working on my self-esteem. A lot of the fear is tying your worth on the outcome of approaching your crush.
If you decouple your self-worth on whether your crush reciprocates or not, then you can come as close as you like.
I’ll give the same advice I give on everything:
“In 6 months, will taking this action still have a major effect on your life?”
So, in 6 months, will a “no” change your life in a meaningful way from what it is today? If the answer is no, let that sink in.
Once you can logically define what’s “impactful”, it makes it a whole lot easier to do those things that seem scary in the moment. And once you do those things aleven a few times, they get easier and easier.
Alcohol.
I married her.
If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know and you can move on. If you don’t do it, you’ll regret it forever.
In my experience you dont *get over* the fear—you only work up the courage to do it anyway.
I changed schools. Now, even if I wanted to approach her, I can’t!
Kidding aside, I asked myself “if I am so anxious even approaching her, how can I even be in a relationship with her?” and basically forced myself to decide whether to: “yeah, this is a crush that I won’t be doing anything about it, better to not let it linger and move on” or “I must do something about the anxiety.”
If my feelings is not intense enough for the second option, the feelings will die soon enough, and will not make me regret that much.
In reality, I tend to think “no, they’re more than likely not into me (due to various reasons)”, and I’ll just let the feelings be until they decay. Did it lead to regrets? Not really. The few times I’ve actually asked and approached someone I had a crush on, they were flattered, but ultimately told me they’re not into me. The more it happened, the more I felt justified in my way of thinking.
I didn’t. Have been wondering about „what if“ ever since. So save yourself some grief and do it.
I think about what’ll happen if they reciprocate - I’ll be happy! They’ll be happy!
I’ve said it to four or five people. Each time it went well - we dated and had a good time.
I cheat: I only ask people out if we’ve been friends for a bit. That way I can gauge if we’re a decent match.
You need to take a risk on some level, which probably isn’t what you want to hear, but other commenters have said as much. I think that even worse than a solid “no” is just not doing anything and getting up in your head about the what-ifs, and missing an opportunity entirely.
Well, I did not really pursue my little princess with persistence and I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existence.
From a distance I desired her, secretly admired her wired her a letter to get her, and it went:
“My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me, but I know you very well, now let me tell you 'bout the feelings I have for you when I try, or make some sort of attempt, I simp - damn, I wish I wasn’t such a wimp - cos then I would let you know that I love you so and if I was your man, then I would be true, and the only lying I would do is in the bed with you.”
Then I signed “Sincerely, the one who loves you dearly, P.S. Love Me Tender.”
